Angel in Disguise
by Mitchel2013
Summary: Bella's Mom dies and she's shipped off to Forks to the nearest foster family to Uncle Charlie. She's understandably depressed but Edward makes her feel different for some reason. It feels wrong; he's her foster brother but she can't help her feelings. Will romance spark between them? What will Carlisle and Esme do when they find out what's happening under their roof? All human
1. Chapter 1

**This a new story that I've been working on. It started out as a one-shot but it's turned into so much more. I'm very unhappy how my other story,** ** _Tears of Joy_** **, has turned out so the plan was to just make then into a one-shot but then this happened. I'm going to be working TOJ into this new story but first I wanted to give a little back story. It's a completely different story at this point but I'm much happier with it.**

 **Please review! I've already started the next section to this so stay tuned for more. Reviews help keep me motivated!-Michelle**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own** ** _Twilight_** **but I wish I did**

Preface:

It was on December 22nd that my life changed forever. Maybe for the better but I was having troubles seeing it that way at the moment. Before, I didn't have a warm place to sleep and not nearly enough food to eat but at least I was happy, at least I had my best friend in the world. She may have been my only friend and the only person I was remotely close to but even if I had known a thousand people she would still be the best; her smile, her musical laugh, and the way she knew how to say just the right things to make our troubles seem unimportant made her my angel. The accident concreted that.

Chapter one:

A knock at the door of the Arizona home I lived at with my mother brought my thoughts back to the present moment. I had been huddled under a pile of blankets trying to keep warm and I had drifted into a state of mindlessness; the heat had been shut off after the second notice from the electric company telling us to pay or suffer the consequences; normally in Arizona that was no big deal but tonight the temperature had dropped down to 26 degrees Fahrenheit and I was feeling it.

I cautiously opened the door since no one ever comes to our house except me and my mom. I thought maybe it might be her; she had been gone for almost two weeks this time "working" and it was possible that she had lost her house key again.

An officer was behind the door; once I opened it he took off his hat and asked in a solemn tone, "Ma'am, are you Isabella Swan?"

"Yes," I answered with a shaky voice. I had to be careful of what I said; mom told me to never tell anything to the police and I should deny knowing anything because talking could get her in trouble.

"Ms. Swan I do regret to inform you that your mother, Renee Swan, has passed away." The officer was looking at me with pity.

"What?" was all I could manage to say. What he had said couldn't be true; there must be some mistake or maybe this was just a dream. I was waiting for him to say that he had the wrong person and for my mom to show up and prove him wrong.

"She was found a few hours ago in a hotel room and at this time the cause of death is looking to be an accidental overdose. Your uncle, Charlie Swan, has been contacted and he's requested that you come live with him until you're 18. I'm going to be taking you back with me to the station and we're going to help you figure out what's going on."

"Okay," was all I said. I didn't know what else to say. There was nothing I could do but go with him and figure out what I was going to do next.

"Do you have any stuff you want to grab? Maybe a purse and a jacket?" the officer kindly suggested.

"No, I don't have anything," I responded solemnly. I didn't have a purse and I didn't have much else either. Normally it didn't bug me but when I saw the look of pity the officer gave me it made me self-conscious; usually I focused on the things I do have, like a mother who loves me, but it's hard not to feel bad for myself when people point out to me how poor we are. At school I don't have any friends but people weren't afraid to talk to me; they like to point out that my clothes are too big and look like they came from good will (they did).

"Have you eaten tonight?" the officer's eyes raked up and down my body as he took in my scrawny frame in the passenger seat. People assume I'm anorexic but I'm not, I just don't eat enough because I don't have enough; that used to bother me but you get used to it.

"I'm okay," I didn't want him to go out of his way to get me food. The one thing my mom instilled in me was don't take charity.

"No, really, I haven't eaten yet so I was thinking about ordering a pizza and if you haven't eaten yet I thought I'd order something you like seeing as I can't eat a whole pizza by myself."

"I'm not fussy; order what you like," I could see that he wasn't going to let up and I was actually touched that he would go out of his way to make sure I was taken care of; it was a strange feeling. That seemed to appease him and the rest of the twenty minute drive was pretty much silent. I tried to not to think about the news he had brought me and for the most part I succeeded.

Once I got to the station it was a little more difficult to forget about her. That night was mostly a blur; all I remember is having food shoved in my face and not being able to eat anything, despite my almost constant hunger, and people asking if I was okay. I always told them I was but really I wasn't; I was trying so hard not to cry and to not let my nerves get to me. I was nervous because I had never met my uncle and I wasn't sure going with him was going to be beneficial to me; mom had told me he wanted nothing to do with us. Eventually I fell asleep on a couch and they didn't bother waking me up until he arrived.

"Oh, Isabella, I'm so sorry," who I assumed to be Charlie exclaimed upon seeing me. I didn't need an introduction; looking at Charlie Swan was like looking at an older male version of myself.

"Thank you," I didn't know what else to say because I didn't have any kind of relationship with him; in my seventeen years I had never once talked to him or heard anything about his life because we didn't have any kind of contact with him.

Charlie, sensing the awkwardness of our encounter, took the initiative and introduced himself even though we both clearly knew who the other was, "Um, I'm your mom's brother, Charlie. It's been a long time since I've seen you; you were just a baby the last time."

"It's good to finally meet you," I said awkwardly.

"You don't know how good it is to see you again. I've missed you so much," Uncle Charlie was tearing up.

"Why would you miss me?" I didn't understand why he would miss me if he had never made any effort to contact either me or my mother.

"You're my family. I would have come see you but your mom didn't want me to come around you guys."

"You didn't want anything to do with us," I said shakily. Why would Mom have not wanted me to see my uncle?

"Oh, honey, I want everything to do with you," there were real tears falling down his cheeks as he said this. I didn't want to believe him but I couldn't deny the facts. Mom was paranoid; she probably thought that if Uncle Charlie saw how we were living he would have tried to take me away from her.

I had managed not to cry in the hours since I had gotten the news of my mother's death but upon hearing that he wanted me in his life I couldn't hold them in anymore. A few hours ago I was alone but now I have Uncle Charlie. He may be a complete stranger to me but that didn't matter as long as he wanted me.

"Oh, Honey," Uncle Charlie repeated. He awkwardly put a hand on my shoulder. Human interactions seemed to be foreign to him; that's something we have in common.

There was knock on the open door of the room we were in; it was a sort of living area. There were couches, chairs, a TV, and a kitchen and dining area.

"Hi, I'm Bree Tanner. I'm the social worker working on Isabella's case. Do you mind if I come in and talk to you?" a middle aged woman with long dark hair asked.

For the next hour we discussed everything under the sun from funeral arrangements to custody arrangements. When we got to custody is where things got tough.

"She's 17. It's going to take some time to get her placed into your care. You're divorced, Mr. Swan, and your ex-wife has full custody of your son. We can't just place her into your care if we don't know if you're a fit parent. I suggest foster care and then when she's 18 in September she's free to come live with you if that's what the two of you want."

"My divorce shouldn't have anything to do with this," Uncle Charlie brought his fist down on the table. "My ex-wife and I agreed that it would be best if Jacob lives with his mother. You'll see that I have full visitation rights and I'll have you know that he lives with me every summer. She's not going to no foster home!"

"I'm not saying that you're not a competent parent. You would have to prove that you're able to take care of her before you get her. That could take months. Instead, I think we should place her in a foster home."

"No!"

"Mr. Swan, please let me finish! I've been able to find a suitable family that I think you'll be happy with. You're from Forks, Washington, correct?"

"Yes," Uncle Charlie barked out. I hope he doesn't let them put me in a foster home. I know I don't know him but at least he's family.

"There is a couple there that is licensed and ready to accept any children that need homes. They have three adopted children already but that isn't a concern to us. The family is very well off and would be able to provide for Isabella."

Uncle Charlie had been looking angry until she mentioned that she would be sending me to Washington. He couldn't be considering letting them place me with strangers could he?

"What are their names?" Uncle Charlie enquired with interest.

"I'm not at liberty to disclose that at this time."

"Cullen. It's Carlisle and Esme Cullen, isn't it?" He knows them?

"Like I said, I'm not able to tell you at this time," Bree Tanner repeated.

"You didn't say no."

"I didn't," she agreed. It was easy to tell that Charlie knew the people she was speaking of; she was smiling and I even think she winked at him a little bit.

"If I'm right and this family you speak of is my friend Carlisle and his wife and children then yes go ahead and place her there."

"No, I want to live with you, Uncle Charlie," I spoke up.

"Isabella, this is your best option. You'll be in the same town as your uncle and you'll be able to get settled in very soon. They have kids your age that I'm sure you'll like. You'll see that this is going to be good for you," Bree tried to convince me.

"I want you to come live with me too but it would take so much time to get custody of you that it wouldn't be worth the money or time. Look at it this way; if you're there with the Cullen's, who are my close friends, we would be able to spend as much time together as we want. You'll be eighteen in September and then you can come live with me, if you choose," Charlie tried to reassure me.

"I… I don't know if I'll like it with them," I told him. What I'm really afraid of is them not liking me and Charlie forgetting about me.

"All you have to do is give it a chance. If you don't like it with the Cullen's we'll work something else out. Bella, the past fifteen years I've regretted not being able to be a part of you and your mom's lives. It's too late to have a relationship with my sister but it's not too late for us to get to know each other. I know this is scary but you'll see that everything is going to be okay because we'll be together."

His heartfelt words brought tears to my eyes and I couldn't choke out more than an "okay" in response.

…B…B…B…

Within a matter of hours I was put on a plane with a bag full of the few things I had with Uncle Charlie. We were being met at the Seattle airport by my new 'family.' I was nervous because I needed to able to live alongside these people if I was going to have any kind of relationship with my uncle.

It was late afternoon when our plane touched down and the panic really started to set in. Luckily I was able to hold it in and I don't think anyone noticed. We made our way to security.

"There they are," Uncle Charlie nudged me. I followed his gaze to a middle aged couple that were waiting anxiously on the other side. I didn't say anything.

"Oh, you must be Isabella," the woman with brown, curly hair and hazel eyes who I assumed to be Esme Cullen said in a sweet voice when we made our way to the other side.

"Yeah," I managed to squeak out.

"It's great to meet you, Isabella. I'm Carlisle and this is my wife, Esme," the man with blond hair and blue eyes responded.

I didn't say anything; I just nodded.

"Where are the kids?" Charlie asked.

"We left them at home. We thought we'd get to know Isabella on our own for a little while first and then submit her to the crazies that call themselves our children," Mrs. Cullen said with a wink in my direction.

"Consider yourselves lucky; your children are at least keeping out of trouble. Do you know what Jacob did a couple of weeks ago? He pulled a junk motorcycle from the dump and managed to it fix up and then crash it into a tree," Uncle Charlie shook his head as he told them about my cousin, Jacob.

"Oh, I know all about that. I was the one who had to stich up the gash in his arm," Dr. Cullen responded with a chuckle. "He was pretty proud of it too. You definitely have your hands full with that one."

"Tell me about it," Uncle Charlie shock his head.

"We should go get your guys' luggage," Mrs. Cullen reminded us.

The airport was very busy and it took us a little while to fight our way to the luggage carousel.

"Dear, do you see your bags?" Mrs. Cullen asked me.

Just as she asked me, my ratty duffel bag came into view and I walked forward to grab it.

"Let me carry that for you," Dr. Cullen took the bag off of my shoulder and moved it to his own.

"Thanks," I gave a whispered show of gratification.

"Not a problem, Honey," he gave me this warm crinkly smile that made me feel oddly comforted. I hadn't had a father figure in my life since I was eight years old and even then he wasn't a very good father; it was strange to feel comforted by this man.

"How many more bags do you have?" Mrs. Cullen asked kindly.

"This is it," I responded quietly.

"Oh, okay," Mrs. Cullen let a look of concern flash across her face for a second before replacing it with a smile. I know that they probably don't understand how I could stuff my life into one small duffle bag because they probably have a lot of money, therefore a lot of stuff, but I don't feel the need to have much; as long as I had my mom everything was okay. Now I don't even have her.

…B…B…B…

Dr. and Mrs. Cullen took us out to a nice restaurant for supper. I was very uncomfortable and wasn't sure what to order because I was not used to eating out so I just ordered the cheapest thing I could find on the menu—a chicken breast and a side of potatoes.

"What are your plans for Christmas Eve and Day, Charlie?" Mrs. Cullen enquired.

"Well, Sarah and I worked it out so that I would have Jacob on Christmas Eve and she gets him Christmas Day. Jacob and I were just going to fry the Walleye and Kokanee fish we caught last weekend. I'm not sure how this is going to work now," Uncle Charlie furrowed his brow at me. "Would you be okay with Isabella coming over to my house for a few hours? She could meet her cousin and we could get to know each other a little better."

"Well, what if you and Jacob come and have supper with us tomorrow night? We didn't have any big plans for Christmas Eve anyways. We could have a big fish fry. I have some Trout, Walleye, and a salmon from a recent fishing trip that we could make as well as your Kokanee. That way Isabella would be able to get to know us all a little better," Dr. Cullen suggested.

"Are you sure we wouldn't be intruding?"

"You know you and Jacob are welcome anytime," Mrs. Cullen reassured him.

"Does that sound okay to you, Isabella?" Dr. Cullen realized they were leaving me out of the conversation and let me have a chance to put in my opinion.

For the first time all night I spoke up, "Don't you want to spend Christmas alone with your family?"

"Yes, which is exactly why we want you three to be there with us," Mrs. Cullen said matter-of-factly.

"I know we haven't had any time to get to know each other yet, Isabella, but Esme and I already consider you family. We don't want to force ourselves on you but please know that we are your family now and we want to be there for you," Dr. Cullen shared with me.

I was left speechless by his heartfelt words. Why would they care about me? They don't know me. They don't know if I'm worth caring about. I hope they'll let me stick around after they realize I'm not worth it, after they realize I don't belong in their family.

"It's okay, Dear, we understand this is all overwhelming," Mrs. Cullen released me from responding.

…B…B…B…

I had to say goodbye to Uncle Charlie and get into the Cullen's black Mercedes after we dropped him back off at the airport parking lot where his car was parked. I learned that Uncle Charlie is the police chief of Forks when we pulled up beside his cruiser. That put a few things into perspective for me; Mom didn't want us to be around him because he's a cop. He would have known something was wrong.

"How are you doing back there, Isabella?" Mrs. Cullen twisted around in her seat to make sure I was comfortable.

"I'm Fine," I said in a light voice.

"Really, Honey, how are you feeling? I know it's been an emotional day for you. If you need to talk, we'll listen."

"I…I'm… I don't know," I told her honestly.

"I'm sure it hasn't really sunk in yet. Well, when you feel like you need to talk to someone please don't hesitate to talk to either one of us. We may not know what you're going through but we do have some experience dealing with grieving children. Did they tell you in Phoenix that Rosalie, Edward, and Alice are all adopted?" Mrs. Cullen inquired.

"No," they did tell me all of their names but they didn't tell me anything personal about them besides Dr. Cullen is the chief surgeon at the hospital and Mrs. Cullen is a stay at home mom.

"They were all a lot younger than you are when they came to us but they still went through something similar, I'd imagine. Rosalie was too young to remember anything now but when my sister, her mother, died when Rosie was two she didn't take it well. It took us months to get her on a normal schedule because she was so lost without her. Alice was six months old when we adopted her so we didn't have as big an issue there but she was distraught for the first few weeks. Edward was the hardest; he was three, almost four years old when his parents were killed in a car wreck. He wouldn't talk to us for the first week and then even after he started talking he couldn't get over the fact that he wasn't going to be going back to his parents. It was probably a year before we really had him settled in; he was just so… depressed. We didn't know what to do so eventually we sent him to a therapist and he opened up to us.

"If that's what you need, we will get you that help. If you don't feel comfortable than please talk to us about what you're feeling. Just know that we're here for you no matter what, okay?"

"Okay," I said softly. I didn't know that they had adopted children. It didn't make much of a difference but it did help boost my confidence a little bit; they were obviously willing to let people into their lives.

We sat in silence for most of the three hour drive and at some point I fell asleep and started to dream.

"Bella, honey, I'm home," Mom called out on Christmas Eve. She had been gone for a couple of weeks but I knew she would make it home in time for Christmas.

"Mom! I'm so glad to see you. I had this horrible dream last night that you were gone and I had to go live in Washington State. I don't know what I'd do without you," I ran to give her a hug but she backed away when I tried.

"Bella, I love you but I am gone. You can't touch me. I have to go to heaven but please don't dwell on that. Let me go," My mother requested what I could never give her.

"No! I'm never letting you go. I need you Mom!"

"Let me go."

"No," I heard myself scream and I started awake. "I'm sorry," I immediately apologized when I realized that I had screamed out loud and probably disturbed Dr. and Mrs. Cullen.

"You have nothing to apologize for. Nightmares are a reasonable response to extreme stress. I would be worried if you weren't having nightmares," Dr. Cullen reassured me.

We were still headed down the empty highway that didn't seem to have an end in the dark. Suddenly we started to slow and Dr. Cullen turned the car onto a side road that would have been impossible for me to spot. I was curious as to where we could possibly be going when we pulled up to a huge three-story house that was all lit up in the night.

"The kids are still up," Mrs. Cullen muttered.

"Of course they are; I'm sure they're anxious to meet you, Isabella," Dr. Cullen told both of us.

…B…B…B…

We walked into the big house and the first thing I noticed was a baby grand piano followed by a living room with the biggest tv I had ever seen.

"Why don't you have seat, Isabella. I'll go get the others," Mrs. Cullen offered me a seat on the comfortable looking white couch. Before she could go up the stairs a short girl with jet black, pixie cut hair streaked down the stairs.

"Hi! You must me Isabella! I'm Alice! We're going to be the best of friends!" she was jumping up and down in front of me like she could barely contain herself.

"Nice to meet you, Alice," I squeaked out. I was trying to make an effort with these people; I'm going to be living with them for almost a year so I better learn how to be comfortable with you.

"Oh I can't wait to go shopping with you! We're going to have so much fun together!" Alice squealed. Shopping. That is something that I do not do; I can't afford it and even if I could I wouldn't want to. Without warning Alice leaped forward and gave me a tight hug. I stiffened in response but I attempted to hug her back by giving her a little pat on the back.

"Give her some air, Alice," the most beautiful male voice I had ever heard told off Alice.

A boy with a peculiar reddish-brown, almost coppery, color hair and bright green eyes had just appeared from the stairs. His tall and thin, but somehow muscular, body was making it hard for me to concentrate.

Alice gave me one last squeeze and then released me. "I'm not going to break her, Edward," she pouted.

"Of course not," he rolled his eyes at his adopted sister. "Hi, I'm Edward. I'm glad to meet you but I'm sorry it had to happen under these circumstances," He was looking at me with a smile on his face but his eyes were sad. I wasn't sure if he meant the classic 'I'm sorry for your loss' or if he didn't want me to be living with him. He doesn't look mad so I'm going to assume the first.

I just nodded my head; for some reason my reaction to the events of today has been that I can't think of anything to say to anybody.

"Want me to show you up to your room? I'm sure you're tired and just want some alone time," Edward kindly offered. That's exactly what I wanted right now; I want to go to my room in Phoenix and just be alone for a little while but I would have to settle for a borrowed room here.

"Yeah, I am kind of tired," I answered in a soft voice.

"Is this your bag?" he picked up my duffel and gave me an inquiring look.

"Yeah."

"Where are the rest? I can help you get settled in!" Alice Cullen offered me.

"That's it," I blushed when her face turned to one of horror. I know I don't have very many things and that doesn't usually bother me but for some reason I cared about what this girl thinks about me. I could tell that Alice and really where going to be friends but she would have to get used to my simple stature if it was going to work out.

"Oh, well, we'll go shopping and fix that," Alice was beaming at the idea of taking me shopping for _clothes._

"Sure, Alice," I kind of promised her. I didn't like shopping but I do what to become closer to Alice and I have this feeling that this could be the way to do it. What do I know? The only friend I've ever had is my mom.

"I want to make a big breakfast tomorrow; it'll be kind of a welcome to the family and Christmas Eve celebration. What do you like, Dear?" Mrs. Cullen asked me before Edward could lead me up the stairs.

"I'm not fussy, Mrs. Cullen. Please don't go to any trouble over me," I muttered.

"It's not any trouble. I want to do this so if you have a favorite please let me know," Mrs. Cullen gave me a smile that made her eyes sparkle. "Oh, and Isabella, please call me Esme; Mrs. Cullen makes me feel old."

"Okay, Esme," was all I said. I do have a favorite, waffles, but I didn't want her to go to any trouble so I didn't say anything.

"Come on I'll show you your room and on the way up we can find Rosalie so you can meet her too," Edward ushered me up the stairs ahead of me by putting his hand onto the small of my back and gently pushing me forward. I almost lurched away from him; this spark of electricity shot between us as soon as he touched me. I didn't know what to make of it but I had a feeling he felt it too; he quickly dropped his hand as if he had been shocked. I didn't take offense; I only wondered what it could mean.

…B…B…B…

"Rosalie, come out and meet Isabella," Edward pounded on her bedroom door that was on the second floor. Apparently Rosalie, Alice, Carlisle, and Esme all have rooms on this floor along with an office space for Carlisle. It would be just Edward and I on the third floor. Something about that excited me and I fought to keep those feelings down since he's technically my new foster brother but seeing as we aren't actually related and the Cullens haven't adopted me I didn't see the harm in finding him attractive as long the feelings weren't acted upon.

"Hey," a tall blonde beauty opened the door and greeted us with a bored tone.

"Rose, this is Isabella. Isabella, this is Rosalie," Edward formally introduced us even though we clearly knew who the other was.

"Hi," I hoarsely rasped at her. For some reason I was intimidated by this girl. It might have been because all of them have been so warm and welcoming that her lack of a smile threw me off.

"Hey," was all she said again.

"Um, so anyways, I'm going to show her to her room," Edward started to walk toward the next flight of stairs. "In the morning, maybe you could try to get to know each other without the attitude," he threw back at her.

"Whatever," she slammed the door.

"Did I do something wrong?" I looked at him for reassurance. I was going over in my head what had happened I was coming up blank.

"No, she's just a little bitchy," Edward said of his older sister. It surprised me; he didn't seem like the kind of guy that would talk that way about someone.

"Maybe she's just having a bad day," I tried to defend her. I'm not sure why but for some reason I felt the need to stick up for her. There was something in her eyes that told me she was going through something and I could relate to that; when your mind is weighed down with stress and worries you lose who you really are.

"Try a bad few months. She's been in this mood since school started. I don't know what's up with her but she shouldn't take it out on you," he looked into eyes and I noticed that his where the most beautiful shade of green I had ever seen. I was so lost in them that I forgot I should respond. "Anyways, she's not that fun to talk right now but when she's in a good mood you'll actually like her."

"Has anyone asked her what's wrong? Maybe she needs help but no one's reaching out to her," I said without thinking.

He looked at me curiously when I said this. "We've asked but she insists nothing's the matter."

"I mean have you actually asked her? Not just a heat of the moment 'I'm mad at you' asking. Has anyone actually sat down with her and asked her if she needs to talk?" I figure I've already said too much so I might as well explain myself.

"I guess we haven't," he said quietly. He was still looking at me like he was trying to read me, like he was trying to figure out how I would know Rosalie needs to talk to someone when I've only seen her once.

"Just don't push her too hard," I mumbled and we continued on our way to the third floor.

"This is my room," he gestured to the first door. "And this one is yours," he opened the door and walked inside. The room was huge; it had a big bed on one wall and end tables that held lamps on either side. There was even a couch in here. There were two doors; Edward opened one that turned out to be a closet and deposited my bag inside and then left it open so I could organize it as I please. The other door he told me was a bathroom.

"It's a little smaller than all of our rooms," he started to apologize but I cut him off.

"It's too much," I said honestly. I would have lied to anyone else and told them I was fine with it but for some reason when I looked at him I blurted out the first thing that came to my mind.

"It's really not putting us out in any way," he reassured me. "Alice and I put clean sheets on the bed today and she wants to help you decorate it. We just want you to be comfortable."

"I don't want you guys to go to any trouble because of me. I appreciate what you're doing but you don't need to do anything special for me. Just allowing me to be here so I can be near Uncle Charlie is more than enough," I don't know why I keep saying so much to him! Earlier I couldn't string a sentence together but suddenly one look from this boy and I can't shut up!

"We'd do anything for you," he looked right into my eyes as he said it and I couldn't respond and ask how they could feel that way about a stranger. His life is being changed without notice and he doesn't seem to care.

"Ah, we share the bathroom," he said after a few moments of silence. "I hope you don't mind; just make sure you lock the door on my side if you want privacy. I'll let you get settled in. If you need anything you know where my room is. Good night," and with that he left, closing the door silently.

"Goodnight," I whispered to the closed door.

…B…B…B…

As I laid in the unfamiliar room that looked out the glass wall that overlooked a river. The moon was out and was sheading a bright, silvery light over the forest that circles the house. I couldn't sleep even though I had hardly slept the night before on that uncomfortable couch at the police station. Eventually I started to think of the events from the last twenty four hours and I couldn't take it anymore. I tried to sob as quietly as possible but the more I tried to hold it in the harder it got.

My mom is dead. My mom is dead. I tried not to think of her cold, lifeless body but as soon as I started to think about it I couldn't stop. One of the first thing we did when we got to the station was go to the morgue and identify her body. I didn't cry then buy I wanted to. She looked peaceful so I tried to keep comfort in that; at least she was suffering anymore. Eventually I was able to quiet the sobs so I made my way to the bathroom so I could splash some water on my face. I turned the light on and looked in the mirror.

I found a towel and wiped my face off and while I was doing that I really took a long hard glance in the mirror. The last ten years or so have been hell and my face showed it. It was so thin my cheek bones were protruding in a way that made them look sharp and dangerous to others. My color, or lack thereof, made me look like a vampire, and the circles under my eyes were so dark that I look permanently sick. I started to think of how I got here to this point in my life and the tears came back and once again I couldn't stop them. I lowered myself onto the edge of the bathtub and just sobbed into my hands. I cried for mother and I cried for myself.

"Hey, are you okay?" Edward looked through the bathroom door he had cracked open. I suddenly remembered his words from earlier; remember to lock his side of the bathroom if I wanted privacy.

"I'm fine," I said through my sobs that wouldn't stop.

"You don't look fine," he mumbled and then added louder, "If you need to talk about it, I'll listen."

"Thank you, but I don't think I can just yet."

"You don't have to talk about what's happened in the last couple of days," he assured me. "What was your mom like?" he asked suddenly.

"She was my best friend," I managed to choke out.

He moves closer to me and pulls me up by the elbow. To my horror he led me into his bedroom. Thankfully he steered clear of his bed and moved to a comfortable looking black couch instead. Sat down next to me with a few inches of space between us.

"Tell me about her," he prompted me quietly.

And just like that I spilled, "She was so… eccentric. She would pick up the weirdest hobbies and act like it was the new purpose of her heart and then the next week it was like nothing had happened and she was on to the next thing. She was a terrible cook; she used to try to cook for me and my… dad… when I was little but she was too experimental to ever produce something edible," I stuttered over thoughts of my father but kept going, "She could make me smile when I was feeling down by just looking at me. She… she was my everything and all that I had and now… now she's gone."

"Is your dad still living?" he asked. I could tell he didn't mean to pry; he just wanted to know if I still had one parent to depend on for emotional support.

"Yes, he is but I haven't seen him since I was eight years old," I whispered to him. Before I knew it I was spilling that to him as well even though I haven't talked about him in years, not even with my mom, "He's currently serving a life sentence in the Arizona State Prison for grand theft auto, attempted murder, murder, vehicular homicide, assault with a deathly weapon, resisting arrest, child neglect, domestic violence, and child abuse."

I couldn't see Edward I in the dark room but I could feel him stiffen beside me.

"That's, ah, quite the list," he said slowly. "Did he… hurt you?"

…B…B…B…

I could see in my mind what had happened that night. I was playing in my room quietly when I heard my parents yelling. I knew what was about to happen; he was going to hit her again. Being only eight years old, I was young and stupid and thought I could stop it so I snuck out of my room and tried to get them to stop yelling.

"Stop!" I had yelled at them. My pleas did nothing to stop him.

"Get out of here, you worthless piece of shit," my father spat at me. He reached out and grabbed me when I didn't move. He threw me roughly into my room and slapped me across the face while I was crying on the ground. "Stay in here!"

This wasn't the first time he had hit me and I knew that he was going to hurt my mom next and I loved her too much to allow that. I was taught at school how to call 9-1-1 in an emergency. I had to sneak out of my room and into my parents where there was a cordless phone on the nightstand. I hid in their closet and dialed; my heart was beating a million miles per hour.

"9-1-1, what's your emergency?" the operator said through the receiver.

"My daddy is going to hurt Mommy," I whispered into the phone.

"Sweetheart, are you safe?"

"I'm hiding in a closet so he doesn't find me."

"Do you know your address?"

"Yes," I recited the address I had memorized at school.

"Stay on the phone with me, okay? Help is on the way."

By the time the police arrived Phil, my father, had taken my mother out of the house in car he had stolen. It turned out that he had some kind of beef with the owner and had fatally shot him and then stupidly took his car. On the chase from the police he ended up hitting an innocent pedestrian that was killed instantly. He attempted to kill an officer with the same gun he used to kill car's owner. He tried to murder Mom as well; she was bleeding out from the stab wound he had inflicted her with but thankfully the paramedics were able to save her life.

I told the lady on the phone which closet I was in and a police officer was quickly there to help me. He picked me up and carried me out into the living room where paramedics and other officers were waiting. I was brought by ambulance to the hospital and treated for a broken wrist, cuts and bruises all over my body, and a concussion. The staff was amazed I had managed to call for help and stay quiet with all the pain I was sure to be in.

…B…B…B…

I somehow managed to choke out most of this to Edward. I'm not sure he understood but he didn't interrupt me or ask me to repeat myself. He just listened.

"I was in therapy with my mom for months afterward but eventually we just stopped going. I guess that's when things started to get bad for her. I tried to take care of her but I guess I didn't do a good enough job because she was leaving me at home by myself or longer and longer periods of time for 'work' and it eventually led an 'accidental overdose.'"

"Hey, don't beat yourself up. You were just a little kid. It's amazing that you've managed by yourself for so long. Parents are supposed to take care of the children, not the other way around. Parents are there for you and they don't hit you or leave you alone to fend for yourself," I sensed anger in his voice. Why would he be angry at someone he had never met for someone he had known only for a few hours?

"I've always blamed myself; I should have been able to make her happy," I still could not stop the tears.

"Isabella-," he started but I cut him off.

"Bella," I said through my tears. For the first time since I had been taken from home by that officer I hadn't cared enough to correct people.

"Bella… please don't blame yourself. You can't control everything around you. If you couldn't make her happy then I doubt anyone else would have been able to. You said she was your best friend; you must have put in plenty of time towards her wellbeing get to that kind of relationship. Sometime people are just so broken that nobody can fix them no matter how hard you try," he took his arm and rapped it around my shoulders.

I stiffened at first but ended up relaxing into his side and continuing to sob for a few minutes. My face was buried in his shirt and his scent overtook me when I was finally able to calm down to the point of just crying silently.

He chuckled above me.

"What is so funny?" I asked incredulously. Did he think it was funny that I can't stop crying?

"The first time I have a girl in my room that isn't one of my sisters and I've made her cry."

I managed to giggle a little in response.

"You didn't make me cry," I reminded him.

"I shouldn't have pushed you to tell me about your parents. You wouldn't have cried as much if I had just tried to comfort you instead of push you."

"It felt good to talk about them. I don't think I've talked about Phil since I was eight years old and still going to therapy. Mom didn't like to talk about him so we didn't," I explained. It felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders now that someone knew. In the nine years since his arrest I haven't breathed my secret to a single soul. My only question was—why had I chosen Edward to spill my heart out to?


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning I woke up in my new room. I don't remember coming back to bed but I'm assuming that Edward had to help me here since the last thing I remember is sitting on the couch with his arm around me and my face buried in his chest. That made me blush; I can't believe he saw me cry and that I told him everything. I had no idea how I was going to face him in a little while.

I got up and left the room in my poor excuse for pajamas; I was wearing old holey sweats and a t-shirt with so many holes in it, it was barely holding together. I needed to take a shower but I didn't have any soap and there was only a bottle of Axe in Edward's shower so I was going to have to ask someone for some. I could ask Edward but I didn't want to face him yet.

I went down the stairs and contemplated who to ask. It was only eight in the morning so I didn't know who would be up. I decided to go to the living room and see if I could find anyone down there. I wandered past that to the kitchen when I don't find anyone there.

Esme was making breakfast when I walked in. "Good morning, Dear," she greeted me.

"Good morning, Esme," I tried to insert some enthusiasm but it feel short.

"How are you doing this morning?" she looked at me with those kind hazel eyes of hers.

I wanted to lie to her and tell her I was fine but like with her son I just couldn't. I feel comfortable with these people and I don't know why. I guess I almost feel like I belong here. I can't explain why but I do.

"I'm okay. I'm not 100% but I'm okay, all things considered. I miss her but looking back I'm realizing I lost her a long time before now. I'm sad that I'll never have the relationship I once had with her but I think I'm at a point in my life that I'll get past it. Having Uncle Charlie and now you guys is really helping me," I meant every word I said.

"I'm glad you feel like you can talk to me. I was afraid you would be closed off because you were so quiet yesterday but I see now that we won't have that problem, Isabella."

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't say anything yesterday, like you said I was so quiet and honestly I didn't care about what was going on around me, but could you call me Bella? I hate the name Isabella," I explained. Yesterday so many people where calling me by my given name and I didn't care. I've always preferred the name Bella and have plans to permanently change my name when I'm eighteen.

"Of course, Bella," Esme responded. "Anything to make you more comfortable."

"I'm very comfortable here, Esme. I can't quite explain it but I feel like I belong here. Maybe it's because this is where Mom grew up and the rest of my family is here."

"Have you ever met your Uncle and Cousin before now?" Esme asked out of curiosity.

"How much did they tell you about me?" I inquired. They must not have said much if she doesn't know that Uncle Charlie and I haven't had contact.

"Just that your mom passed away and you were in need of a home because your dad is… away," she hesitated at the mention of Phil. I reassured her that she could talk about him. After my talk with Edward last night I felt okay about thinking about him. Maybe that's what I needed, some release.

"He's in jail; it's okay to say it. I've had nine years to accept that. And he's not my dad, he's Phil. Fathers should take care of their children," I repeated the words that Edward had told me the night before. "Anyways, my mom didn't let us have anything to do with Charlie and Jacob so I've never met them before yesterday and I didn't even know I had a cousin to be honest."

"How are you so strong?" Esme came and sat next to me at the island in the kitchen and rested her hand on top of my folded hands on the counter.

"I'm not strong. I think numb is a better way to describe what I am," I once again spilled the truth.

"Do you need to talk about things, Honey? I'm here to listen if you do."

"I do want to talk about it some more but right now all I want to do is take a shower and get dressed for the day. Speaking of which, I don't have any soap or a tooth brush. When I was grabbing things from our house I didn't think to grab that sort of thing. Can I borrow something?"

"Of course, Bella. Come with me and I'll get you a few things."

She led me to her and Carlisle's bathroom and grabbed the essentials I would need—soap, toothbrush, toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner, and deodorant. I headed back upstairs to the bathroom I was sharing with Edward to deposit them in there. I was going to have to get some kind of caddy for it all so I could take it back to my room and I wouldn't be cluttering his bathroom. I wanted to make sure his life was disrupted as little as possible by my presence.

I had my bathroom door open and was about to lock Edward's side when he opened the door. Luckily I was decent. He wasn't wearing a shirt and his hair was even more tousled than it was the night before. He also needed to shave and I found myself wishing he wouldn't.

"Oh, fuck, sorry," he mumbled sleepily. "We need a better system, don't we?"

It took me a second too long to answer since I was distracted by his sculpted apps and bronze colored happy line which made me think about where it led… 'Stop thinking about that,' I had to tell myself.

"Yeah, I guess we do," I blushed when I spoke to him; last night was still on my mind.

"How about I knock if the door is unlocked before I come in and vice versa? Yeah, that sounds good. I'll let you do what you need to," and with that he backed out.

I showered quickly so that he would be able to use the bathroom. I toweled off and wrapped myself in a big fluffy towel I had found in a cupboard before unlocking his side of the bathroom and then cracked it open before quickly leaving so he would know it was free.

I looked in the duffel bag for something that didn't have holes in it so that I could make a better impression on the Cullens now that I was clean and less puffy eyed; my eyes were still considerably puffy from my crying all over Edward's t-shirt, which probably is why he wasn't wearing one when he walked in the bathroom, now that I think about it.

For the first time in my life I looked down at what I had and was truly ashamed. The best thing I had to put on was a lose pair of jeans that I had had for a couple of years that where so faded the blue was almost white and they had a hole ripped on the inside of the thigh. My top was ripped as well but only minimally; it had a couple of tears in the collar and one little hole in the back. I looked away from the full length mirror on the inside of the closet door and decided to head back downstairs.

Esme was just stacking waffles onto a plate when I walked back into the kitchen. I offered to help but she shooed me out of the kitchen and told me that I would not be helping with my celebratory breakfast. I cringed at the thought of celebrating me but did as she asked without complaint.

"Hey," Edward greeted me as I walked out of the kitchen. He hadn't shaved and I felt this unfamiliar tingling in my privates that I had never experienced before. Oh how I wished we weren't foster 'siblings,' not that I would have acted on my lustful feelings if we weren't.

"Hey, Edward," I suddenly felt very shy around him.

"Is breakfast ready?" he asked me.

"Almost. Your mom just kicked me out of the kitchen for trying to help her but from what I saw it was almost finished."

A small smile broke his lips, "I'm surprised she kicked you out; normally she complains about none of us helping her in the kitchen. I thought she would jump at the chance to have a helper."

"You guys don't help her?" it slipped out. It came out kind of accusatory so I hope he doesn't take it that way.

"We've tried but she's very particular so we let her be for the most part. Did your mom make you help out a lot in the kitchen?" he added the last part of that cautiously. He watched to gauge my reaction.

"She didn't cook. I took over all the cooking when I was nine. She tried but she was too experimental; it was safer for me if I cooked," I told him. My mind started to drift as I was bombarded by memories. I remembered the first time I figured out how to use the stove when I was seven, when I made my first grilled cheese when I was eight, when I was nine and I found a cookbook at the library and started doing all of the cooking, when I was twelve and more and more it was just me to cook for, and when I was sixteen and I didn't have anything to cook so I walked two miles to get a job so I could buy groceries.

Edward didn't say anything either; he just looked at me with wonder.

"What?" I finally asked.

"You amaze me," he looked deep into my eyes and once again I was speechless.

"I, ah, don't think that's anything to be amazed by," I blushed and looked down at my hands in my lap.

"You were _nine;_ how many nine year olds do you know that cook all the meals for their family? I mean sure mom had us in the kitchen from a young age but Rose, Alice and I would have burned the house down if we were left alone by the stove when were that young," he still looked pretty bewildered.

"What are you guys talking about?" Carlisle came down the stairs and questioned us. He took in Edward's bewildered face and then my hiding face.

"She could cook by herself when she was nine. If you and mom would have left us in the kitchen at that age we would have started it on fire," Edward repeated.

Carlisle saw that I was embarrassed and so he tried to push the embarrassment over to Edward, "Yeah, especially seeing as you started a fire in the microwave last week." Carlisle was grinning as he poked fun at his son.

"Hey, I didn't know that you have to take the twist-ties off of the bread before you defrost it. And the fire wasn't that big; only the end piece that nobody eats was burnt," he defended himself.

I was enjoying watching the two bicker in good fun for a while before Esme called us into the dining room for breakfast. Alice had just appeared looking like she had spent hours getting ready and gave me a side hug.

"Good morning, Isabella. Are you ready for you first official day as one of the Cullens?" she grinned at me.

"Bella," Edward interjected before I could answer. I looked up at him, expecting him to have wanted to ask a question of me but that wasn't the case. "She likes to be called Bella, Alice." Why would he go out of his way to correct people for me? I know I told him that I prefer Bella but why would he waste his time making sure I was comfortable.

"Bella," Alice mused. "I like that so Bella it is."

Breakfast was interesting. I got to see how these five people interact and they managed to include me into their conversations. If I was in their position I would be wary of letting in a strange girl into my home and would take some time to warm up to her. They didn't need that time; they instantly accepted me and that was amazing. Edward said I amazed him but I don't think he realizes how amazing he and his family are.

Almost everyone in the Cullen family had accepted me. Rosalie seemed largely indifferent to me. That was better than hate but it was still difficult to deal with. She didn't acknowledge me or look my way. I would have felt worse if she wasn't doing the same thing to her family; she was talking to them but only when they started the conversations and her answers were brief when she could help it. It made me wonder what could be going on in her life to make her act like this. According to Edward, this isn't her normal self.

…B…B…B…

At about two in the afternoon Charlie and Jacob arrived. I was nervously waiting in the Cullens' living room to meet my cousin for the first time.

"Have you met my cousin?" I asked Alice and Edward who were waiting with me.

"Yeah, he's a nice kid," Alice answered.

"A little obnoxious but yeah he's nice," was Edward's response.

I could hear Carlisle greet Uncle Charlie and Jacob. My heart was beating much faster than it should; I was meeting my cousin, not lining up for execution.

"Really, Bella, he's a fifteen year old kid; there's no need to be nervous," Edward said in a low voice that only I could hear.

"Him and Uncle Charlie are my only family; I want them to like me," I whispered back. More like I need them to like me.

"Don't worry; they'll love you," he reached out and squeezed my knee but quickly retracted his hand. The same electric current from last night had passed between us that he must have felt too, judging by how quickly he removed his hand.

"Hey, Bella," Uncle Charlie greeted me. Esme or Carlisle must have told him I prefer not to be called Isabella.

"Hi, Uncle Charlie," I said shyly. Jacob was standing by his side carrying the fish for our fish fry. He didn't look nervous; the huge smile on his face indicated to me that he was excited. Whether he was excited to be here or to meet me was yet to be determined.

"Hey, Bella! I can't believe I finally get to meet you! I don't have any other cousins or siblings so this is awesome! I'm going to put this fish in the kitchen for the lame adults to deal with and then we can hang!" and with that he was gone only to appear seconds later.

"Lame Adults?" Carlisle questioned him with an eyebrow raised at him.

"You're cool, Dr. C," Jacob reassured him.

"Where does that leave Charlie and I?" Esme inquired.

"You know…," Jacob hedged.

"In the lame category," Charlie rolled his eyes at his teenage son.

"Carlisle, would you mind coming with the _lame_ parents to help us figure out what we're doing with all of this fish," Esme asked while teasing Jacob.

"But I'm cool! That means I get to hang with the kids!" Carlisle pretended to protest.

It was funny to watch these two families interact. They seemed so comfortable together. Mom and I didn't have any friends like this. We were on friendly terms with the neighbors but we didn't go out of our way to spend time with them.

Carlisle plopped down on the couch next to Alice. "So what are we going to talk about? Who's hot and who's not?"

"Ew, Dad," Alice scrunched up her face in response.

"Come on, you goof," Esme tugged on his arm so he would follow her into the kitchen.

"The lame old lady has spoken," Carlisle jibbed and got up to follow.

"I'm younger than you are," Esme playfully slapped his chest.

"Yeah, but I'm _cool,_ " he pecked her on the cheek to show he was only joking.

"Come on Charlie. Let's get this fish fried," Esme pulled her husband into the kitchen with a chuckling Charlie following behind.

"They're so embarrassing," Alice rolled her eyes toward the kitchen.

"No, your parents are pretty great. Mine won't even let me have a motorcycle just because I crashed it," Jacob looked genuinely annoyed at Uncle Charlie and his mom. I didn't get how he couldn't see it; if I had a kid and he had gotten hurt riding something so dangerous I wouldn't let him keep it either.

"You crashed, Dude. You can't honestly expect them to be on board after that," Edward cracked at him. He openly rolled his eyes at Jacob. I could that Edward did not care for Jacob for some reason.

"Minor detail," Jacob shrugged it off.

"So, Bella, when are you going to come to the rez' and hang out with me? I could show you the beaches in La Push," Jacob offered. Beaches in Washington? That can't any fun since it's always raining here. He noticed me wrinkle my nose. "I know it's not like the beaches you probably have in Arizona but they're still cool. One day I'll have to take you cliff diving. You'd have so much fun!"

"Cliff diving?" I questioned. That doesn't sound safe.

"It's exactly what it sounds like; they jump off of cliffs into the ocean and hope they don't drown," Edward answered for him.

"What he forgot to mention was that it's such an adrenaline rush! And no one has drowned yet; you just have to make sure the water is relatively calm when you do it."

It hit me that Jacob is an adrenaline junkie. He's very cocky and seems into putting himself into danger. How can someone be so careless? I was heavily judging him when I realized that my mom was that careless. She spent years putting her life on the line when she didn't need to; she was so far into the drugs and prostitution that she couldn't stop. I understood that Jacob doesn't have a problem as bad as my mother's but it's still a problem and I wasn't going to think less of him because of it.

"That doesn't sound like something I'd be in to," I said politely. I don't want to offend him because I'm hoping we can actually have a relationship since we are family and he doesn't seem to have much family either.

"As soon as I get my license and my car fixed up, I'll take you and you'll see that it's something you're going to love," Jacob kept on pushing.

"I… ah, can't… swim," I sheepishly admitted. It's always been something that has bothered me. I grew up in a place where swimming pools were common because of the heat but my parents never took me to get lessons or taught me themselves so I have avoided water at all costs because when you're 17 years old that's really embarrassing.

"What do you mean you can't swim?!" Jacob exclaimed. I felt my face turn bright red.

"Dude, a lot of people can't swim," Edward came to my defense. "It's not a big deal."

"I guess not but, Bella, I'm going to teach you because that's just survival 101," Jacob just wasn't going to give it up. I realize I need to learn to swim but the ocean did not seem like a good place to start.

"Um," I didn't know what to say because I really don't want to offend him. I want to do things together but those would ideally be a little safer for me.

"Don't worry about it, Bella. If you don't know how to swim it's not a big deal around here. I don't know how much you know about this area but, as you may have noticed, it rains quite a bit here so swimming isn't exactly a star sport. Unless you find a puddle deep enough to drown in, I think you're okay," Edward reassured me. I appreciated the joking manner he was taking about it; I've always been embarrassed and having someone be so light about it helps.

"I'm kind of clumsy. With my luck, I'd probably trip and manage to drown myself in the rain," I partially joked back. I probably could drown myself in a puddle if I wasn't careful.

"Well then, I'll have to make sure to catch you," he joked back along with a nudge with his knee to mine. Was he flirting with me? I don't have any experience with boys so I couldn't tell if he was just being friendly or not. Whatever it was, it felt right. I blushed harder.

Alice thankfully came to my rescue. "Enough of this sports talk. When are we going to go shopping, Bella?" Okay so maybe that wasn't quite the rescue I was looking for.

"Um," was my lame response.

"I was thinking we could go the day after Christmas. They'll be so many sales and we can spend the entire day at the mall so we don't miss anything!" She was practically bouncing with anticipation at the thought of spending _all day_ shopping. My face must have showed my disgust because Edward once again had to swoop in and save me.

"Alice not everyone can spend an entire day looking at clothes," Edward joked with his little sister.

"You just don't understand because you're a _boy,_ " Alice shot back at him.

I didn't want to upset her since I really do want to be friends with her so I tried to sound excited, "I'll go with you Alice but maybe we could spend part of the day doing something else besides clothes shopping."

"Don't you like to shop?" Alice asked like if I were to say no it would be the strangest thing she had ever heard.

"Um, no, not really," I blushed. "I never really had the money to do much shopping," I said quietly. I don't know why but it was embarrassing to admit to these people that clearly had so much that I had almost nothing.

"Oh, well, that's different now so that'll change. You'll see that you like shopping just as much as I do!"

I didn't say anything because the only thing I had to say was I highly doubted that I would ever enjoy going to the mall; even when mom and I had enough money to do a little shopping in an actual mall I didn't enjoy picking out clothes. Everything that I put on makes me feel awkward so I don't particularly like staring at myself in full length mirrors all day.

"So what do you like to do, Bella?" Edward enquired. It was weird; he was looking at me in a way that made it seem that he was genuinely interested instead of just trying to make small talk like I was used to getting from the few of my peers that decided to try and talk to me in Phoenix.

"Ah, I read a lot, I guess," that sounded so lame.

"Really?" Why does he sound so excited about that? "What are your favorites?"

"I like the classics. My favorite is _Wuthering Heights_."

"I like the classics too but I can't say I enjoyed _Wuthering Heights._ It's just so sad and they're such terrible people," he criticized.

"It's the love story that draws me in and I think that to end up with a story like that they had to be terrible people since no decent person would have put the other through what they did."

"What kind of love story is that though? He literally died of a broken heart and instead of getting to spend an eternity together after their deaths they get to spend an eternity in-between this life and the next, never quite together. Even in death they don't get to be happy."

"You're right; it's a complete train wreck of a love story and I think that's what I like about it. Almost every other story that you read has a happy ending. Even in _Romeo and Juliet_ they get to be together in the end; they both die tragically but they at least get to spend an eternity together in heaven, or at least you could assume they do. Emily Bronte wrote a more realistic love story in my opinion."

"I like to think love doesn't have to be so complicated. If you love someone and they love you back that should be reason enough just to give in and be happy together instead of resisting at every corner."

"It shouldn't be, but it is complicated," I said matter-of-factly. I had seen first-hand that just because you love someone doesn't mean things are going to be okay. Despite the heavy direction our conversation had taken, I was really enjoying talking to Edward. I had never met anyone that was interested enough in any book to have a serious discussion about it.

For some reason I was really comfortable talking with him and that scared me but at the same time I was joyed. I forgot to be embarrassed about my crying all over him the night before.

…B…B…B…

"Food's ready kids!" Esme yelled from the kitchen. Edward and I were arguing about his favorite book while Alice and Jacob looked on with bored faces. _The Giver_ didn't interest Alice so she eventually got up and went to find Rosalie so they could plan out a shopping trip for all of us; Rosalie didn't look that interested but was trying to appear so for Alice; in the back of mind I wondered what was up with her again since Edward said this isn't her normal behavior. I tried to include Jacob in the conversation but he was getting lost because he doesn't like to read and avoided it at all costs.

…B…B…B…

The night had passed by surprisingly quickly. Jacob and I got along but we didn't have much in common. He was loud and liked taking risks; I'm quiet and like to play it safe. He's so happy though and it's contagious.

"Bella, dear, can we talk for a few minutes?" Esme stuck her head out from the kitchen were her and Carlisle were sitting together by themselves.

"Sure," I said reluctantly. What could they want to talk about? I hope they don't want me to talk about my feelings on my mom's death because I'm having such a good night and don't want to ruin it.

I sat down at the table and waited for whatever was to come.

"Your mom's Funeral is in a few days and we just wanted to talk over a few things. Charlie is going to take care of most of the planning and he's going to pay for it using the money he had saved for her after your grandparents passed but we thought maybe you'd like to get her some flowers. What do you think of that?" Esme asked.

"Sure, yeah, I'd love to get her some. She loved Lilies," I responded without having to give it much thought. I had almost forgotten there was going to be a funeral here for her.

"We'll get her some then," Esme kindly smiled at me. "What do you have to wear?"

"I, ah, don't really have anything nice enough," I didn't mention that I was wearing my nicest outfit right now.

"We'll get you something then. I'd really like to take you out shopping and just have a girls' day so we can get to know each other."

I automatically wrinkled my nose in response and unfortunately they noticed. Esme looked hurt so I quickly explain, "Sorry, I'm just not a big fan of shopping but I do need to go so I'll have to put up with it I guess and I really want to get to know you too."

"We'll do more than clothes shopping so it'll be more enjoyable for you. Edward mentioned you like to read so maybe we can stop at a couple of book stores too," Esme tried to appease me. These people are too good for me. Why should they help someone they don't know? I had to fight to hold back tears for the first time today as I thought about how lucky I am despite all that's happened.

"Thank you," it came out sounding a little chocked and I think Carlisle could tell I was holding back tears because he was looking at me with concern. That's the straw that broke my back. These people really don't need to care about me but they do! A few tears escaped and I tried to silence a sob but it came out anyways and made me sound like I was hyperventilating. "I'm sorry," I managed to say through my tears. What is wrong with me?

"You don't need to apologize. You need to let it out; it's not good for you to keep things bottled up," Carlisle spoke up for the first time. And with that I stopped fighting it and let myself cry.

"Oh, Honey," Esme came around to my side of the table and sat in the chair next to me. She put her arms out for me and without giving it a second thought I collapsed into her and buried my face into her neck. The soothing way she was rocking me ever so gently back and forth and stroking my hair eventually calmed me down a little bit. I was able to silence the sobs but the tears were still running down my face so I held on even longer; the comfort of a mother was exactly what I need right now and if I couldn't get that from my own then Esme is the second best thing. Mom had never been one to do this but I didn't give her a reason to either; I took care of her so in a way I was the mother in our relationship.

"Do you want to talk about it, Bella?" Carlisle spoke up after a few minutes of silence. He had moved to the chair on my other side when I was sobbing uncontrollably into his wife's neck. "Don't be afraid to tell us how you're feeling," he reached out and gently rubbed my back a second before pulling back.

"You've all been so nice to me," I cried. "You don't have any reason to be so nice," I attempted to explain.

"You're our family now. We'd do anything for you," Esme's heartfelt words touched my heart more than these people would ever know.

"You don't know how much that means to me," I told them.

"We're just happy that you seem to be okay with being here. I was expecting you to be more upset than you are about leaving your home," Carlisle said.

"I like it here; it feels like a home."

They exchanged a quick worried glance over my statement; they probably hadn't realized how un-homey Phoenix felt.

"Every Christmas Eve we sit around the tree and open one present each and then watch a Christmas movie before heading up to bed. How would feel about joining us?" Esme offered as a way of showing I really am family.

"I'd love to." Even though I would be watching them receive presents and not getting one myself I felt giddy about watching the festivities and really being a part of their family. It felt a little wrong to be relaxing around them so soon after my mom's death but I couldn't help it.

…B…B…B…

"Here's Edward's," Alice held up a shiny green wrapped box in the air for Edward to grab from her. She was sitting on the floor pulling out boxes that all were identical in shape but wrapped in different colors. "Mom, why do you wrap yourself one when you already know what's inside?"

"Because I like opening it with the rest of you."

"Rose, this one is yours and this one is Bella's," Alice passed me my box. I was so surprised it took me a second to take it from her.

"You didn't have to get me anything," I said in surprise.

"It's nothing dear," Esme waved me off. I gave her and Carlisle each a small smile to try and communicate how much I appreciated the gesture.

"Okay, everyone open in three, two, one," Carlisle dramatically counted down.

I carefully ripped the paper off to reveal a white gift box. I removed the lid and pushed the red tissue paper out of the way to reveal a pair of navy blue pajamas. The top was a form fitting cotton t-shirt and the bottoms where a matching blue plaid. I looked around and realized that we were all holding the same thing just in different colors and sizes.

"There's one more for Bella under there, Alice, that I want her to open tonight," Esme pointed out another rectangular box near the front.

"No one else is opening two," I protested. I didn't want them to treat me any differently because they felt bad for me.

"It goes with the pajamas," she explained.

"Oh," was all I said as I undid the tape and revealed a shoe box. They were dark brown UGG slippers with a furry cream trim. "Thank you," I stuttered out. I'd never owned something so nice and so _expensive._

"Try them on. See if they fit!" Alice excitably said from her spot on the floor.

I pulled the beautiful slippers from the box and Edward, who was sitting next to me on the couch, grabbed it out of my way so I could try them on. I had never worn something so comfortable in my life.

"Do you like them?" Esme prompted me.

"I love them. They fit perfectly, thank you."

"You're welcome, dear, I wasn't sure on the size since we got them before we picked you up from the airport but it seems we got lucky. Everyone go upstairs and put their new pajamas on now so we can watch a movie.

…B…B…B…

The pajamas were a size small and they were still a little loose. It's embarrassing how thin I am. Luckily the pants have a draw string on them.

I walked out into the hallway and Edward was there waiting for me in his own pajamas; his was a tight fitting grey t-shirt and red plaid pants. My thoughts were very impure as I took in the view front of me.

"Ready to go down?" he asked me? His eyes raked over my body as he asked; he probably realized how disgustingly thin I was.

"That color looks lovely with your skin," he said in passing as we walked down the stairs. I blushed in response and could have sworn he did too.

I didn't make it any further than the first twenty minutes of _It's a Wonderful Life._ All the crying I had done earlier had tired me out and I soon fell asleep in my new pjs and slippers with my head up against Edward's shoulder.

…B…B…B…

I woke up a few hours later on the couch. Someone had draped a blanket over me and put a pillow under my head. Instead of going upstairs I laid there in the dark and waited for someone else to get up. It was strange waking up on Christmas morning without her. I wasn't as excited for it as I was with Mom. This year there would be presents but that didn't really make up for the fact that I would be spending it with a family that I barely know; they clearly care about me and I'm extremely grateful about that but I'm having trouble processing that information. It's all happened so suddenly and I don't know what to feel. I tried to get back to sleep on the comfortable couch but my mind was too full to allow my body to rest despite the fatigue I felt.

…B…B…B…

The digital clock on the wall told me it was 5:18 a few hours later when I heard someone coming down the stairs.

"Come on, Edward, its Christmas morning! I'm so excited!" I heard Alice whisper yell.

"Shh, Alice. Bella's sleeping on the couch; you're going to wake her," Edward scolded her quietly.

"Let's just turn the tree on and sit there. I promise not to bug her," she pleaded with him.

All this was happening behind me so they hadn't seen that I was awake. I was torn between faking sleep and letting them know I'm in fact not asleep. I decided to just sit up and let them know because I'm a terrible liar and wouldn't be able to pull it off anyway.

I sat up so they'd see me and would stop arguing; I hated to be the reason they're fighting.

"I'm sorry we woke you up," Edward immediately apologized. He sounded so concerned. Once again I was hit with wonder; why do they care so much?

"No, no, I was already awake," I reassured him.

"Even so, it's too early to be awake. You should head up to bed and try to rest for a couple more hours," I could hear worry in his voice.

"I'm not tired," I lied.

Like I said, I'm a terrible liar and he saw right through that, "You look very tired."

"I don't want to sleep right now," that was the truth but I left out the why. I'm sure they could figure that much out on their own. It came out a little snappy.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to push," he apologized for the second time.

"No, I'm sorry for snapping at you. I just have too much on my mind to sleep."

It was Alice that responded next. "What did you and your mom do on Christmas? Maybe we could do some of those things with you so it doesn't feel so different," she kindly offered.

"We didn't do anything big. We'd just have dinner together and spend some time talking. We always took the time to just be together and it would almost feel like everything was normal in our lives." My thoughts drifted to all the times we had together when things were still okay and we would sit around and like any other mother and daughter would. Those days were over a long time ago but now we would never have the chance to fix things.

"Every Christmas I drag Edward and Rose out of bed and we sit down here and talk until Mom and Dad come down. Of course Rosie usually rolls back over and waits to get up but I like to come down and turn on the tree and just enjoy the morning. I'm really glad you're here to share this with us, Bella. I hate that you have to hurt so badly but I think you're going to be really happy with us. I've always wanted a little sister!"

"You're the same age, Alice," Edward reminded her.

"I'm almost a month older," she said matter-of-factly.

"I'm bigger than you are," I jibbed playfully at her. The mood in the room was soft. We had the tree all lit up and were sitting on the couch with me in the middle and the two of them on either side of me.

"Barely! You only have like two inches on me and you're thinner than I am!"

…B…B…B…

"I don't want to go back to school," Alice whined at one point in our conversation.

"I like going to school," I said without thinking about it. The biggest reason I liked going to school wasn't something that I wanted to be talking about on Christmas of all days. I wanted this day to be as happy as if nothing was wrong.

"What is so great about school!?"

"The food," I left it at that.

"That wasn't the only time you got to eat was it?" Edward's face was etched with concern when he realized why I liked going to school.

"Sometimes," I didn't say any more and he didn't press. He just reached out his hand and gave mine a squeeze and this time he didn't drop it right away despite the electricity that was running between us. It felt good to be honest.

…B…B…B…

The morning passed by quickly. When the other three had joined us downstairs somewhere around 7:00 we all gathered around the tree and Esme started to pass out presents. To my surprise she even had a couple for me. I was given two boxes and an envelope. In the first box there was a shower caddy filled with expensive looking soaps and lotions. The second box was a new coat, which is something that would come in handy in this climate. The envelope is what really got my attention.

"Thank you so much," I looked up at Carlisle and Esme in amazement. It was a $100 gift card to Barnes and Noble.

"You're welcome, Dear. It's nothing really," Esme tried to brush it off. They just don't realize how much everything they're doing means so much. I needed to make them understand that the way they've welcomed me has made all the difference. One way or another I was going to make them see how much I appreciate them.

It was a little bit weird to sit in on another family's Christmas but they made me feel so welcome and for that I'll be forever grateful.

"What are you thinking about?" Edward came and sat down later that day on the couch next to me.

"I was just thinking about how I would have been spending my day if nothing had changed," I said truthfully. Why did I always say what exactly was on my mind when I looked at him?

"I'm sure you guys would have had a great time," he tried to comfort me.

It wasn't like that exactly; if she was still alive it wouldn't have been guaranteed that she would have even come home and I probably would have ended up alone and I told him just that.

"Who knows where I would have ended up if that cop hadn't showed up on our doorstep? I was considering running away to be perfectly honest," why was I telling him all of this?

"Why would you have ran away? Where would you have gone?" his face crinkled with confusion and a little bit of concern maybe?

"I don't know where I would have gone. All I know is that I couldn't stay there alone anymore. I figured I'd find a shelter somewhere and claim to be 18 so that I could get job. When that officer fed me at the station that had been the first time I'd had eaten in three days. I figured in a shelter at least there was food. It's not like Mom would have been able to stop me; she was gone so much that she wouldn't notice for at least a couple of weeks and if she reported me missing she'd have to deal with the police and she would never risk the child neglect charges," the last part came out bitterly. Mom loved me and I loved her but I had always been the adult in our relationship and she didn't discourage that. She always put herself before me.

"Anything was better than the situation I was in."

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I'm sorry you had to go through all that by yourself. You're not alone anymore. I'm here for you," he looked into my eyes as he said this and for a moment I forgot everything as I looked into those emerald green eyes of his. There was something about this boy that was much more than brotherly; I don't think I could ever think of Edward as a brother. I fought the urge to jump at him and kiss him with all I had.

"You don't realize how much that means to me."

…B…B…B…

The next few days moved by quicker than I wished. Before I knew it the day was here. I stood in front of the full length mirror that hung on the closet door and looked at the black dress that fit my body snuggly. Alice and Esme had both been surprised when we had to move to the preteen section to find something that was small enough for me. My clothes were normally baggy and hid just how unnaturally thin I was. I went into the bathroom and threw my hair into a high ponytail to keep it out of my face. If I decided I needed it to hide my face I would take it down later. I didn't look all that pretty put it didn't really matter.

I walked downstairs where they were all waiting for me. Alice had wanted to play dress up with me but I politely let her know that today I wasn't feeling up for it. Every one of them looked so nice. Edward in particular caught my attention. He looked so handsome in his slim dark grey suit with a white button up shirt and black tie. For a second I forgot about what I had to do and just allowed myself to take in his beauty. I'd seen him trying to tame his hair in the bathroom when we were both in there but it hadn't worked; I wasn't at all upset about his hair not cooperating because it looked so sexy.

"Ready to go, Sweetheart?" Esme tenderly asked. She was also dressed in a black dress. We were about to leave for the local Lutheran church that Charlie and my mom had gone to growing up. There was going to be a short funeral service and then she would be buried in the Forks cemetery. This was it. This is going to be goodbye for good.

I swallowed back the tears before giving my quiet yes.

"We're going to take two cars as mine only seats five. You'll come with Esme and I and Rosalie is going to drive you three in her car," Carlisle gave us our instructions. We filed out the door and all too soon we were heading for the visitation before the service. The only other cars there were Uncle Charlie's cruiser and the hearse. I didn't think anyone else would be coming since she didn't have any friends left here.

We all made our way inside. I wanted to stay out in the car but I had to face the day. Uncle Charlie met us at the door with Jacob and who I assumed was Jacob's mother.

"How are you doing?" Charlie asked me sympathetically.

"I'm hanging in there. How are you handling everything?" I countered back. This had to be so hard on him. He hadn't seen his sister in fifteen years and this is how he gets to remember her now. Life just isn't fair.

"I don't think it's set in all the way yet to be honest. This is so hard."

"We'll do it together," I was having trouble keeping my tears at bay.

"Always," his voice held a promise that made me feel loved by this man that didn't know me.

"I'm sure you don't remember me but I'm Sarah, Jake's mom. Your mom was a very good friend of mine back in the day," Uncle Charlie's ex-wife introduced herself.

"I'm Bella, nice to meet you," I awkwardly responded. She looked very nice and I could see why Charlie had married her. I wondered what had happened between them.

"We should get going inside," Uncle Charlie ushered us through the double doors. Right before the alter there was a sleek mahogany casket. I wanted to turn right around but I kept walking behind my uncle. The funeral director gave us the rundown of what would happen in the day and then gave us our space to grieve. A few tears escaped my eyes but I managed to keep the sobs at bay. We stood in front of the casket that held her but didn't say anything. The director asked if we wanted to see her.

"No," I answered before anyone else could. Everyone looked at me with sympathy and I could barely stand it. I decided to explain myself, "I saw her the night they brought me to the police station in Phoenix to identify her. She wouldn't want anyone to remember her this way."

"I think you're right," Uncle Charlie agreed.

The others backed away and gave Uncle Charlie and me some space to say our goodbyes. Uncle Charlie tried to back away as well but I begged him to stay with me. That's when I lost it. I said my goodbye and told her how much I loved her and how sorry I was that she wasn't here anymore and I couldn't take it anymore. I let Uncle Charlie have some alone time and walked back toward the group only I didn't stop when I reached them. I kept on walking so that I could cry by myself. I sat down in one of the back pews and sobbed into my hands. I should have known they wouldn't let me be.

I felt someone sit beside me and put an arm around me.

"I'm sorry," I choked out to whoever had sat next to me.

"It's okay, just let it all out," Edward's soothing voice tried to reassure me. He handed me some tissues that the funeral home had provided. I grossly wiped my eyes and then blew my nose into it. There was so much snot running out of my nose that I could barely keep up with it and ended up swallowing so much of it that I starting coughing to the point of gagging. It was so embarrassing but I had no control over it.

I don't know that I'll ever have it all out but I attempted to. I managed to calm myself down in time for the funeral service to begin. Edward was a great sport; anyone else would have left when the gagging started but he stayed there with me and tried to help by patting my back. There were more people here than I thought there would be. Many people came up to me and explained that they had known her in some way or another twenty years ago and offered their condolences. I remembered none of their names. Most of the people here seemed to be here for the sole purpose of being there for Uncle Charlie. Small town life baffled me; so many people came to a funeral for someone they didn't know just because they wanted to be there for their Chief of Police.

I managed to keep my crying under control during the service but her burial tore me apart. I cried throughout the funeral where people that didn't know her read scripture and poems but in the cemetery I full out sobbed as they lowered her into the ground and I saw the vault shut. This is it; this is the end of our time together. She was supposed to be here for so much longer than this. After that the next few hours were a blur. Carlisle had to carry me away because I was so upset I could hardly walk. The fatherly show of affection just made me cry harder. It got to a point that I was just dry sobbing. When we reached the car I insisted that he put me down next to it instead of in it.

I doubled over and dry heaved because I could hardly breathe. Esme and Carlisle shared a concerned look. On the way back Esme sat next to me in the back, held me and quietly sang to me like my own mother used to do when I was upset. Instead of upsetting me more it soothed me and I was able to quiet down to a point that I was able to breathe through the tears.

…B…B…B…

Once we were back at the house, I went upstairs to my borrowed room and locked the door. I didn't want to hurt their feelings but I needed some time to be alone. I stripped off the dress that was too nice for me and put on some new yoga pants and a ratty t-shirt that I had brought with me from Phoenix. I took a box of tissues from the bathroom into my bed and burrowed under the sheets. I'm not sure how long I laid there crying but I do remember that it was completely dark outside of my window-wall before I fell asleep.

I awoke to knocking on the door. After a moment of listening I realized that it was coming from the bathroom door.

"Can I come in?" I heard Edward call through the door.

"Yeah," I croaked. I wasn't sure if it as loud enough for him to hear but either way he opened the door. I realized too late that my bed was covered in dirty tissues. I sat up and attempted to gather them into a pile.

"Sorry, Mom's worried that you've done something drastic because your door is locked and you weren't answering," he explained. I instantly felt terrible; I'd forgotten that I had locked the door and must have been too deeply asleep to hear them trying to check on me.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry anybody; I was asleep," I whispered into my lap. I felt like crying again but there wasn't anything left in me. I realized I must be dehydrated.

He turned on the light and I was blinded for a moment while my eyes adjusted.

"I figured that but she always worries too much. Don't worry about it," he tried to reassure me. I still felt terrible for making these people needlessly worry about me. "Anyways, there's food downstairs if you want."

"I'm not hungry," I lied. I was very hungry but I felt so nauseous that I doubted I would be able to keep anything down.

"At least humor Mom," he attempted to convince me. I reluctantly agreed to go down with him if only for the sake of making Esme worry less.

I nibbled on the sandwich that she placed in front of me but I wasn't able to eat more than half of it. I did drink a lot of water to appease her. That didn't feel like it was going to sit well either but I knew that I needed it.


End file.
